Stupid Robot Tricks

File this under "Robots are only as good as their software," or better yet, "Hey dumbass, make sure you've got your license in order."

This particular gem comes from the lovely Garden State. Recently, a robot parking lot in Hoboken shut down, trapping several cars inside for days. Apparently,the city failed to come to an agreement regarding payment for licensing, etc., with the software company who both created and maintained the software and equipment. The software company pulled up stakes, and when the date on the software license ran out, allowed the garage to shut itself down.

Priceless.

Both parties have since come to an agreement and the trapped automobiles are now free to roam the asphalt veldts of the Turnpike and Parkway so long as their EZ-Passes are well stocked.

Aibo Experimentation

I have so much back-logged stuff to report, but this bit about robot dog experimentation just came across my desk from the fine folks at Engadget (by way of my officemate), and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have said it any better...

Nice to know we're not the only ones watching this...

Danger Rating: 8

Hey Joe, Waddya Know?

For those without encyclopedic recall of movie quotes, that was a question posed to Jude Law's character, Gigilo Joe, in the Kubrick/Spielberg movie A.I. While craptacular on many levels, the film did have the prescience to forsee a topic broached at a recent conference of Euron (the European Robotics Research Network): what happens if robots turn out to be sexy?

(I don't know about the guys at this conference, but I've seen enough anime to know the answer to that question, and so does Masamune Shirow: they can kick your ass and give you a funny feeling in your pants at the same time.)

It's not like sci-fi movies have never given us "what if?" scenarios before this. Fritz Lang served up quite a robotic dish in Metropolis, A.I. showed us both Gigilo Joe and Jane models, Blade Runner showed us Pris, a pleasure model android, and of course, who can forget that wonderful bit of schlock, Cherry 2000?

Still, it's nice to see the "academic" community seriously contemplating such issues. (Robot sex: it's not just for fanboys anymore!) So this post is really more of head's up than an actual warning of dire happenings in the robot world.

Oh, and they also discussed how smart robots should be, whether they should be placed in situations where they could conceivably use lethal force, and maybe some other stuff. I kind of forgot the rest when I read the quote from one Henrik Christensen: "People are going to be having sex with robots within five years."

Too funny.

Slime Mold controls robot

What the?! Why would someone even THINK of this?
Scientists hook slime mold up and let it control a robot. Why? WHY? WHY?

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? Let's think about the description of slime mold...
"Physarum polycephalum is a large single-celled organism that responds to food sources, such as bacteria and fungi, by moving towards and engulfing it."

Engulfing it! You're putting a very aggressive organism in control of a robot, and letting the robot learn.

Yes, it is a slime mold. Yes it is a simple 6-legged robot. But this is not a good place to start!

Robots with Tentacles

Apparently robots were having a hard time grasping or 'grappling' oddly shaped objects (Like People!) so scientists created a robot with tentacles to grab a greater variety of objects.
Thank heavens for those helpful scientists, for creating Octarm.
And thank DARPA for funding them.

Danger Rating: 7
They are still controlled by people, and don't seem to get around well...Yet.

And This Surprises Who...?

...or should that be, "whom"?

People have finally figured out that an attack by robot drones could pose a serious, possibly unstoppable threat. Apparently, they don't show up on radar as more than a small flock of birds, that is, if they're even noticed at all.

I imagine this could conceivably become the V-1 of the "War on Terrorism". Soon we'll start seeing machine gun nests springing up in cities across the globe as a pre-emptive measure.

Here's the plot of a movie that I can see coming out of this: Ter'ists build a bunch of these things, equipped with explosives, cameras, and full on remote controls. They surreptitiously place wireless repeaters at strategic locations across the city of Washington, D.C. They launch the planes/helicopters from a park in Maryland or Virginia. The controllers are sitting in the Starbucks on the corner across from the Old Executive Office Building. They're sipping cappucino and watching the progress from wireless laptops. To everyone else, it looks like they're playing some online game...

If there are any Hollywood types who want to talk about a script, RSVP in the comments section. I'm looking for at least seven figures here and a big name star. Sam Jackson should be available once Snakes on a Plane wraps. Oh, and I do know the difference between the net and the gross, and the definition of "residuals".

If there are any NSA folks reading this blog, my fellow Doom bloggers and I are available to brainstorm endless scenarios of robotic, er, doom, for the same seven figures mentioned above. You probably have ours numbers already.

Lego Watch continues

If memory serves this was sent in by alert reader Steve Q. They seem to be innocent -- albeit exceptionally time-intensive and bizarre -- Lego construction efforts. Though I'd keep an eye on #3 if I were you.

Danger Rating: 2 (they're still just plastic toys. Right?)

Love-Love Doll 2.0. Better use protection...

I'll let you be the judge of how bad this one is. On the one hand, it's an interesting training tool for health care providers. On the other hand it's, well, a robot birthing machine...

Twins? I'm at a loss for words.

Hal for the home

Now, I certainly understand the appeal of having a robot slave. A robot nanny named Jupiter that looks like Hal doesn't seem too terrible.
But then don't let it "emulate emotions"
Don't let it get on the web.
And seriously, what the hell is with the stake-for-arms stabby things sticking out of it?


Danger Rating: 8
They look harmless and cute, but there's a large potential for damage and destruction here.

Our Hero

Google had the author of How to Survive a Robot Uprising speak as part of their Google Author Series.
The lecture is about 45 minutes long.

Better watch it now, before he is killed and all information about him destoyed.

The Best Intentions Update

Okay, this is it. I hearby declare that this day marks the official start of the clock. The end times are coming people. Get your EMP machines ready. You're going to need them.

It's only a matter of time before the scientists who worked out this little problem turn to each other and ask, "My god, what have we done?"

Danger Rating: 9 This is big. Really big. I mean, now they can simulate life on a whole other level. Pretty soon it'll be moving from simulating a virus to creating a virus that wipes out humanity. The horror. The horror.

Human, machine, what's the difference

While not exactly a demonstration of the doom of humanity, here's an interesting article on why the Turing Test is no good.

For those not in the know, the Turing Test is basically a test of a machine's intelligence, using its ability to communicate like a human. Normally, the test would be designed so that the judge would be at a terminal IM'ing with two or more different 'people' - at least one of whom is a machine. If the judge can't tell which is the human and which is the machine, then the machine must be as smart as a human (a flawed jump, but a key component of the test).

If you don't want to read the article, it basically says that the judges as just as likely to find that real people are machines. Apparently we are not good at spotting 'normal' conversations. Odd. And amusing. If we can't spot 'em when they're just boxes, how will we spot the Terminators, or Cylons...

Robots take on Theatre

So apparently the New York theatre people feel that using human actors it totally 20th Century. They have come up with a play using robots! Yep. They remade to Ibsen classic Hedda Gabler into a story about ailen robots.
The company to create these actors was Botmatrix a small NYC company. They also organized the Robot Parade.

Danger Rating: 4 (apparently they are stopped by such things as 1/4 inch plexiglass on the floor)

Not flying cars, but...

So now they can drive!
I love that the creators are so nervous about a car driving without supervision, that the driver has to touch the wheel every 10 seconds. Like things couldn't possibly go awry in 10 seconds.
But a nice way to get around drinking and driving!

Danger Rating: 8 (Cars with people driving are dangerous. Cars with homicidal robots driving are just wrong).

It's a robot, It's a rescuer, It's Snakebot!

Snakebot? Seriously? I mean really, imagine this: Your in a building that has collapsed, you're trapped, scared, dirty... and what do you see but a robotic snake coming at you! Do you feel better? or worse? hmm
http://crasar.csee.usf.edu/MainFiles/oct02_02.htm

See the robots are your friends!

Danger Rating: 1 (The robots are so helpful and good!)

More trouble at Lego...

...and now Google...

I've expressed some concern about Lego the company and how they have unmonitored robot trucks moving around their factories. Now, I see they have a relatively new line of Legos, wherein the heroes are guys in giant "mechas" fighting evil robot-driven mechas (so yes, they're each driving giant robots, but it's the humans versus other robots). Well, at least they've adequately described the intentions of the robots, but is the whole thing a smokescreen to cover up the factory robots' plans? Danger Rating: 2 (Though the situation clearly bears watching...)

In other, more disturbing news, I found this article from CNNmoney that explains that in the (near) future, a "Strong AI" (a computer program capable of upgrading its own code) is far more likely to come out of "google-like data-mining" than a robotics lab. *Gulp* I mean, we're talking Google here people. Everything they touch like... works... and is accepted and popular. They're like the anti-Microsoft. Though since Google also owns Blogger I don't think they're going to let me get to the Danger Rating: 9, which I place on the high end of the scale for the reasons I just listed...

Technology Explained!

From Homestarrunner.com. A brief primer on technology, as explained by Strongbad.

I'd keep my eye on that The Cheatbot. He looks a little shady...

Well, things are really picking up...

...now that I'm not the only one posting, eh? (Or at least the robots will have more than one target to acquire, anyway...)

So a few different things today. First a bit of random humor (?) from a fictional character, brought to my attention by the original Webb.

Next, buried deep down in this news item about our friends at Sony Corp, is the tidbit that they are going to stop producing the Aibo robo-dog. Make of that what you will, but perhaps their plans to infiltrate our homes as thinly disguised "pets" has fallen through.

And finally, beware the receptionist... no longer a cute blonde you can flirt with...

Maybe if we ask nicely they'll take the Hippocratic oath...

A pleasant good day to all you talking monkeys.

As the second addition to The Best Intentions, I offer this morsel from the BBC concerning robotic surgical helpers. Developers have created tiny, highly maneuverable robots that can assist in laproscopy, etc. The idea being that the bots will enable surgeons to perform invasive procedures with less cutting and fumbling around inside the body.

Now, here's where I see it going awry. Remember the X-Files episode where someone implanted lots of nanobots into ADA Skinner's bloodstream? Remember how that rat bastard Krycek was able to control the nanobots with his PDA so that Skinner would writhe in pain as his veins turned all Star Trek Borg-ish? No? You stopped watching the show after Season 5? Tool.

If I have to spell it out for you: Tiny robot implanted into human. Tiny robot releases nanobots. Nanobots travel through bloodstream and lodge in brain of "host". (Think of the movie The Mummy when the scarab beetle burrows into that guy's brain.) Oh hell, you see where this is going. The robots don't even have to take us out--they can control us through the implants so that we take out each other. Or, at the very least, we become their lobotomized slaves.

Danger Rating: 7 (Unlike nanobot technology, this stuff is closer to being a reality, and once a human becomes a host to the bot, how do you easily tell if he's under robot control? On the plus side, the fact that the X-Files (and Star Trek) have been subtley warning folks of such a possiblity for over a decade, I'm sure there are people working on countermeasures. Still, this does not bode well for the future.)

Best of luck on your procedure...

Here's One that started as a bad idea

Meat Eating Robots.
Meat Eating Robots that are mobile.
Meat Eating Mobile Robots with teeth.
Meat Eating Mobile Robots with teeth that have sensors to locate, and gather food.
http://www.gastrobots.com/

I don't care that they call it Chew Chew. It is not your friend.

And when you combine it with Dr. Wilkinson other projects regarding robots that climb fences, walk up stairs, climb trees and poles you get the idea that perhaps Dr. Wilkinson has never watched a science-fiction movie in his life.

Danger Rating: 5 (The robot is still trapped in a laboratory, and cannot hunt. Yet)